Dealing with our selective eating toddler...

Monday 28th of November 2011

As our daughter grows out of the baby stage into a full fledged toddler (20 months) we are coming against her strong will, especially when it comes to food...

It is all to easy to give in when they put their nose up to the food presented and revert to their favourites. We had discussed this as new parents, vowing we wouldn't fall into this trap, however, as time passed I noticed myself particularly (being the main caregiver) giving-in. Usually because I didn't want her to go to bed hungry so she would have a good nights sleep or a good nap. Of-course this is a game that most toddlers learn to play with their parents. The 'getting what they want' game. I once heard a father say at a healthy lunch boxes talk I was giving - 'until my children earn their own money and can pay for their own food, we decide what they eat'. This comment was met with a mixture of nods of approval and gasps of astonishment from the mostly mothers in the crowd. I have to say, I agree full-heartedly but putting it to practice isn't always easy.

5 rules for feeding 'selective eating' toddlers:

  1. Make sure children don't get over-hungry and/or aren't tired when sitting down for a meal - If they are grizzly, it is often too late. Toddlers need to eat about every 2 hours. We find we need to have dinner on the table at 5.30pm or we miss the 'happily hungry' window and end up with a grizzly girl who won't eat. For some children this might even be earlier depending on when they last ate, and if they are still having a daytime nap.
  2. Sit down while eating and ideally avoid eating on the run - This might not always be possible with our busy lives, however, if we can at least sit down for the main meals - breakfast, lunch and dinner - then we can create a peaceful space for our children to eat and learn to enjoy a variety of foods. When we are rushed we are more likely to grab the easy food options which may not be the healthiest. Sitting down while eating also saves on the clean up and finding squashed surprises stashed in the couch.
  3. Keep offering food even if it has been previously rejected - It can take quite a number of times before a new food is accepted. If we take this food away completely then it continues to be foriegn to them. Even if they don't eat it, they will be exploring its texture with their fingers and might even lick or smell it. We had this experience with asparagus recently, at first Mika just handed it back to us but now she will suck on it and chew on the tip.
  4. Don't give-in, be the strong parent your child needs - Once we start giving-in and letting our children have what they want it is a slippery slope. It can be hard at first but they will soon learn what is put in front of them is to be eaten. If they don't eat it put it aside and if they come back asking for food offer them the same plate again. Sounds strict but it will save bigger battles later on. When we started being more staunch on the food front it took about 3 days of retaliation before she got the message. Now we sit down for lunch or dinner in peace and enjoy our meal together. Admittidly she doesn't eat everything on her plate but she at least experiences it and sees us eating the same food.
  5. Children won't starve themselves - While working as a GP my Dad often had patients come in worried because their children weren't eating much and his answer was always - 'they won't starve themselves'. It is recommended to look at a toddlers food intake over 4-5 days rather than just one day as it can vary alot depending on how active they, if they are growing, feeling unwell or teething etc.

Good luck! Eating should be an enjoyable experience for all.